I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
