I'm drive I can fine osifer
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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