is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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