3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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