Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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