Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
