I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
smell my finger.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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