yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
