from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
