Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
