We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
