dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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