your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
