I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
