You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
