grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
