I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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