If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
