I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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