super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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