mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Panties = found
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
