No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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