I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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