Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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