And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
