She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
