end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I skipped work to stalk him.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
