okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
