there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I did not marry a roomba.
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