After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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