Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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