I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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