I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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