i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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