i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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