he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
