i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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