Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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