Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
