last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
