yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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