my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
