Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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