Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so let's talk penis.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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