If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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