I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
