Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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