I wish I could teleport
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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