my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
