Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
