Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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