TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
