Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
