Nicole vs. Life
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Enjoy the penises
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize