Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
