That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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