there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
