he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
