Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
