It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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