mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
