drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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