girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
