Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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