can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
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just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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