the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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