if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
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this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
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I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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