it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
