Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I puked a lego.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
