she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
