Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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