Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
