how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
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