So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
