We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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