So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
