i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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