she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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