I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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