They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
