shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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